For the First Time, the Taste of Disappointment...

Monday's coaching session was a little disappointing.
There seemed to be a lot of complacency and (ironically) uncertainty in the air.

I've been repeating the same things for the past months.
"Midtiers must never arch back, bend forward, or bend knees on a stunt."
"Bases must cradle high, and absorb flyer's fall by bouncing."
"Top flyer must never unlock on a pyramid."
"Flyer must never lean forward during a pop down."
Blah, blah, blah...
Basic stuff.

But somehow, I still see stunts failing cos of the things I told them not to do every training.
Serious. I said those things every training.

The thing is, some of them started to be complacent and refused to listen when I point out their mistakes.
They heard me... but they didn't listen.
They nodded their head... but they didn't remember it.

When I was told they talked back to Wenfeng when she went down with me last fri, I was reali disappointed.
Recently, a few started to argue with me.
It is clear to me if stunts are not executed properly, or the timing is wrong.
Cos I planned the stunts, I mixed the music, I wrote out the timing.
And most important of all, I was standing right in front of them, looking at every stunt.
I told them they can argue with me, provided they are right.

I put up with these craps sometimes.
But during monday's training, when the timing was obviously wrong, I kept reminding them the timing.
At their n-th attempt, when I told them the timing of both side of the stunt differ by 0.5 count, they gave each other that I-think-she-is-wrong-and-being-ridiculous-and-I-sure-I-am-right look.
That was when I shouted.
It was so loud, I shocked myself.
I made one of those not involved in the stunt stood beside me, and observed the stunt.
And obviously, the conclusion was, the timing was off.

I really do not wish to shout.
I really do not want to be mean.
I was teaching and joking with them before running the routine.
But once I started being nice, no one took the stunts seriously anymore.
I could see people smiling when a stunt failed.
I could see people forgetting whatever I taught them.

And then, flyers started falling.
Be it the flyers' or bases' mistakes, they started losing their trust in the bases and midtiers.
And they started to hesitate on stunts.
And stunts started to fall again.
That was when I told them straight that I can't let them try higher level stunts until the flyers can trust them again.
And until I can trust them with the flyers again.

At the end of the day, they were tired... yet nothing much was achieved.
They were tired cos they had to do their stunts over and over again.
They had to repeat the stunts cos they repeated their mistakes.
They repeated their mistakes cos they did not remember what I said at every training.

There are those who have been trying very hard.
And it is unfair to them that they have to repeat the stunts just because their teammates refused to concentrate or acknowledge their mistakes.

I have seen the stunts hit.
That's how I know they can do it.
They had done it well.
And when I see them throwing everything away, I feel sad.
Sad that I'm the only one anxious.
Sad that they are not showing everyone what they have been training so hard for.
Sad that the tears they shed in the past amount to nothing.

Still remember what I said when Sam asked me if they can make it through the prelims?
I still wanna believe what I believed then.